Congratulations, new students and family members. You have finally made it. Congratulations to you. You were selected based on your demonstrated ability to acquire knowledge. We sincerely hope that you continue to demonstrate said ability and we are proud to inform you that any accomplishments you may or may not make in the field of knowledge acquisition during the course of your quote career will become classified as the exclusive private property of this private institution and that you will smile and shake hands amicably with the frontline suit-and-tie representatives of our undisclosed commercial quote research interests and that you will be reimbursed handsomely for your quote work and that your reward will not come merely in the form of individual wealth or prestige, but that indeed you will be effectively ensuring the social and economic well-being of your loved ones for the next several generations to come, thereby perpetuating the way things ought to be, no? The way things have always been, yes? We as a private institution of higher earning (I mean, higher learning) are happy to assist you in your quest for owning class status in twenty-first century American society. Congratulations once again, new students and family members. Now go out there and BE SOMEBODY.

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